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DAY 3: MAKING A LIST I book an appointment with Toronto dating guru Christine Hart, who runs a service called Living & Loving Authentically.

I decline when they ask if I want to smoke weed in the KFC parking lot, but I feel like I’m making progress.

DAY 2: VAMPIRESUNDAY I set up an Ok Cupid profile under the name “vampiresunday.” (It’s a play on the band Vampire Weekend, which I hope will appeal to indie rockers who own yachts.) I fill out endless questionnaires, telling the algorithm I’m a neurotic writer with thick thighs, ADD and a degree in cinema studies. ” Many others ask for my favourite taco restaurants and acclaimed cable TV shows.

According to Ok Cupid, I am “More Independent,” “Less Love-Driven” and “Less Conventionally Moral” than the average user. I exchange messages with an arborist who calls himself “eating_almonds.” On his profile he admits to shoplifting Bioré pore strips, which I find oddly attractive.

Boasting a BA in sociology and anthropology, she claims to be an expert on what men want, which is, apparently, women who sport bright colours, wear their hair down and exude a “cool, funny attitude.” She tells me the best way to flirt is to comment on the situation at hand, which is why it’s easy to pick up at a dog park. I don’t have a dog, so I arrive solo, in a bright summer dress and with my hair blown out.